: Teelia, Andy Nguyen, Katy, Rina

Sidenote before I even get into my discussion of sexy elevator music: Thank you for the nice comments and for liking my narcissitic layout of my vector-self on a magazine cover that I will never ever be on. You've ballooned up my ego and now maybe I can love myself THAT much more. Just kidding. But seriously, thank you and thanks for the new links! I'll update my link list this week. And my wedding website is in the works. Learning about the traditions of my culture has been pretty exciting! End sidenote.

Say you live in a tall building that necessitates the utilization of elevators to get you to the main floor. Suppose you want to ride this elevator because you have to get yourself to work and cars can't park on the 10th floor -sadly-, denying you the convenience of not having to use said elevator. Let's say, for the sake of realism, that you will most likely run into neighbors in that lobby waiting for the elevators because other people have to park on the main floor as well, bitches.

Now suppose that the building manager likes to put music on rotation in said elevator lobbies to briefly entertain the residents while they wait for the elevators to arrive. Music can help ease the tension of awkward conversation, right? No need to make small talk if you can sing along to Enya or Yani in your head. Genius.

Let's add some displeasure to this typical situation by playing sexual slow jams to REALLY add to the discomfort of wondering "do I say 'Good Morning' or should I pretend to look engulfed in deep thought and ignore my neighbor who I do not know anything about other than I think he's a chain smoker who loves to watch TV REALLY loudly." Insert background noise, "When I get that feeling, I want sexual healing... sexual heeeeaaaallliiinnngggg, yeah. Sexual healing.".

NOW let's pretend the property manager is watching you wait from some hidden surveilance video and is laughing to herself because she just saw you fix a bra wedgie while not saying anything to your neighbor as you both listen to sexy bedtime tunes. You can't help but commend her on the humor since you would probably do the same thing yourself if you were the property manager of some ritzy apartment building in the city.

End hypothetical situation, insert reality. For the past week or two, I have heard every "late night jam" that there ever was waiting for the elevator. Ha ha. I find it relatively amusing and I often wonder what my other neighbors are thinking, i.e. the old couple on my floor who I run into often. What if THEY were standing next to my supposed chain smoking neigher and Boys II Men's "I'll Make Love To You" started playing? I think they're playing some kind of joke on us. It's usually some Enya-type of song.

I don't know if management is REALLY watching, but if I was the property manager, I would probably take advantage of my power and play the sex songs LOUDER so that the whole awkward moment before getting onto the elevator thing is even MORE AWKWARD. Actually, scratch that. Remove the sex songs and just add sex NOISES. No more wondering about if you should say something or not. The situation turns into "how do I tastefully ignore this...?"


And because I like it and I cannot deny my ego of using the power, I would play techno. Unh Tiss Unh Tiss.

I might even hire some actors to play the role of "drug dealer or prostitute waiting for the elevator" just so the awkward moments don't pass by un-seized. Of course with sex noises. Maybe even gun fire . Hell, forget hiring people, I'll dress up myself! Talk about making your own entertainment.

What would you do as a property manager?

Categorized: House, Funny
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