: Snow_love

If I was on a sitcom, it would be one of those in which the main character has delusions of strangling people while they talk about nonsensical matters or the gut punching of people who have not mastered the obvious.

Did you ever see Monster In Law with Jennifer Lopez? Remember the scenes when the soon-to-be-mother-in-law shoved her J Lo's face into the cake, but then fazed out of the daydream back to J-Lo just talking? Maybe it was the other way around. I suck at retelling movies. My sitcom would be one of those, but instead of head slams into a cake, it would be pseudo-drowning into a toilet. "HOW 'BOUT A SWIRLEY, YOU BIG FAT STUPID HEAD?!"

Guy who annoys me: "Hi, how was your day? Nice weather we're having eh?"
*Punch & knee to the Nads*

Girl who says 'like' between every word: "Like I know, right?"
*Pull out her hair by individual strands and make her say Auntie*

Boy in class who talks too damn much about off-topic subjects and on-topic deja vu topics that require me to stay in class longer than I need to be: "Maybe they can e-commerce to expand their business?"
*Thinking, "wasn't that JUST said 2.78 seconds ago by someone clearly more intelligent than you?"*
*Pour hot coffee onto his lap and make him eat jumbo size plastic words, literally. Then, let a pitbull into the classroom to sop up that coffee.*

Asshole who cut me off on the highway with no signal: *Cuts me off*
*Drive past him, cut him off, open my moonroof and release 20 pounds of raw steak to hit his windshield leaving a meaty, bloody residue.*

(Isn't that weird? If someone cuts me off using a signal, I am OK with it, but if they couldn't even move their finger 1 inch to let me know that they were about to be an asshole, the road rage really kicks in full gear.)

I think my sitcom ratings would be through the roof.

Categorized: Thoughts
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